the way i talk is rude
the way i laugh is rude....etc basically i'm rude

there are things i know i need to change, but there are things oso i think i dun need to. sometime those cantonese words i used i know is a bit over, but there are some are just normal. i feel a little down if the way i behave disappointed someone, but this is what make up joey. i just dun wanna to be fake. of cuz i will change to better, i will try to use proper words.

i hope ppl will accpet me for who i am, but not the fake one. if time is just what i need, am i too demanding?


 

i'm going mission trip pretty soon. dunno why, every time before going to mission trip, i always have this silly thought that, i might having difficulties coming back or not coming back anymore. then i will start to think how my family carry on if i not around... :S. yesterday i dreamed that, there is a big wave coming to my way when i'm having fun on the beach! i was not afraid bout my life but i worried how much i need to pay for my surf board cuz someone took it...  crazy uh.

but of cuz, i believe God will protect me and make sure i'm safe and sound. but if my time is there, there is no way to escape, then i trust that God will bless my family. anyway, no matter what would be the price, i always excited bout mission trip and wonder what would God going to do this time.

well, the first thing first, is to stop thinking this silly and stupid stuff. it shd end here when i click on the Publish button!

what if i tell you?
what if you know?

may be there are secrets in life that we are not allow to tell anyone, for the sake of better relationship. may be there are time that we should hold back our feeling and emotion and learn to say 'i'm fine', without anyone notice that you are not. may be there are season in life that, you need put the biggest smile when you feeling hurt. may be......

sometime i really can't differentiate heartache is caused by chest-pain or someone caused the pain :S

if i am.... i will surely....
but this can only happen in my dream

 

 

ahheemm... i know u guys are very caring and concern about my 'availability'. but i am NOT ready to commit to any serious relationship. i'm NOT gonna change just because want to get someone attention...NO!. so.... PLEASE stop asking me to wear skirt, keep long hair, change the way i behave....etc.... ahhh... that's not me! but well, don't feel disappointed, who knows what happen when i meet the right person :) but seriously, don't push me cuz i started to feel bored. i don't mind meeting new friends but NO other intention. I know i should have tell how i feel (i think i told a few) but everytime when i see you guys so 'excited', i just join the fun but trust me, 99% what i said never go thru my brain, so don't take it serious.

i'm very glad to have bunch of you being my good friends and i cherish every moment we shared. i do understand how much you care, but don't try to change me. It will not work, trust me :)

i'm not angry neither bengang, don't worry.  in fact, i love you guys, love the way you are and i hope you guys will love me the way i am.

lately i can feel the walk with You is very tasteless. I never feel like this before. I don't know why, but I know when I come before You I can hide nothing. You know the very secret of my heart, You know my thought and You know the unknown. I intend to be ignorant but the lost feeling, the dryness never disappear but it getting worst.

Am I on the way to backslide just like many others? I even ask my sis to pray for me as I getting lazy to serve in the Church and I lazy to serve Your people, don't You sense I'm in trouble? Why You never show  You actually there?

During prayer meeting, I feel that I am a bit quiet, a bit blank. As I close my eye, I dunno what to tell You but to tell you how i feel. I want to tell You I feel nothing but lost, I feel nothing but emptiness, I feel nothing but fear, I feel nothing but ignorant, I feel nothing................... You know everytime I come to You, I never hide my feeling, cuz I have no where to hide.

Today as I spend my queit time with You, I worship You with my guitar. But what came out from my lips make no sense to You and me. The song can't connect me to Your present. I thought may be I should change another song, so I simply grab a song book but that was not a song book! but a devotion book, named 'Connect'.

And as I read it, the word 'desperation' make me move, and I cried. Finally I realise the root cause is desperation. I lost the desperation... I no longer desperate for Your love, I no longer desperate for Your touch, I no longer desperate to serve Your people and You, I no longer desperate for anything about You. i started getting misty-eyed and I cried before You, I know You still occupied the very place in my heart. I know You are the one I can't let go, You are the one and still the One.

Like what Planet Shakers said 'Don't pass me by, Lord'. When I no longer desperate for You, would You faithful the same? when I no longer love You like I did, would You love me the same? And You are telling my heart now, the answer is YES! I love You, You never let me go, once again, I want to desperate for You, everything about You.

working in this oil company something make a me a bit 'fly'.... hehe..it's always my desire to work here. but i think what i gain the most is the skill and knowledge,something that i nvr do before and now i got the opportunity. also, get to know a few good buddies.. these ppl are someone i feel so comfortable with and something that make me feel good to work.. hehe.. they really good buddies, we can go for dinner after work, go kl one day trip then crab dinner... laugh together and share things out. is very easy to tell them how i feel and that make working environment very much different. at least i know i go to office not only work but have fun with group of ppl. my team all are very technical sound, so can really learn a lots from them.

this few days i have a bad temper because of tmnerd. really not a nice experience especially with poor customer service, so i urge those tmnerd users, pls rmb to pay your bill, otherwise you will end up holding on the phone for almost half an hour to listen to their music. and most properly u may not get your problem resolved in first call.

last week was lee wan wedding. manage to met some of secondary skewl frens. some already married or some even already with kids. to be honest i feel more like a skewl gathering rather than wedding dinner. lee wan was very very beautiful that night, and the photos was really cool. ahh, need to get some fotos from her.

 

 

 

Hi Lina,

I am no surprise the decision that had made, I think you might have the same expectation. But I don't really bother much as what printed in xx only applicable on earth, God looks into our heart. We know that our destination is in the heaven and we know what type of 'passport' is required. I prayed that you will continue to be strong and I also pray that God will strenghthen your walk with Him.

Best Regards,
WWM

Yesterday was my last day in Axon Solution. Phew, finally~ Push aside the job thingy... what i gain the most here for around 3 months plus is friendship. Many of 'em who closer to me are those who look not approachable at first sign, but at time goes by, they are those ppl who so real and can b a great frens. Yesterday my boss Kingston take me, Dinesh (he looks great in his new shave... hhahaha), Reena to Pizza.. thank you boss! We chat lots, and Kingston is really a good manager, before left oso will give me piece of advice on what I SHOULD do when start a new job.

When back home, and when i think about my new job I feel a bit nervous. Although after all, i manage to get in to Shell, which always my dream. Now, the job that i am going to do is very new to me, and basically i need to start learning from the scratch... phew... But i know God told me to go for it, and He will be with me from the scratch too~ This is one of the benefit being a children of God, Christian! I really can't nap well ler, then i get up and pray... tell God how i feel... and God just give me peace and i just able to 'rest-in-peace'... hehehe.... as He always said... I will give rest~

Yesterday evening went shopping with my mum, my sis and Andrew... Rony last min fall sick pulak.. urmmm... was great cuz i manage to get a nike bag!! But i waiting promotion for the Tough bag though.. that really a kewl bag mann... but my mum went home with empty handed... too choosy lar tu!! this nike bag not bad, like my sis said, like turtle shell... hahahha.. after that, went yam cha!

on the way back, get a msg from my ex-collegue... so after drop off my mom, i just went for the 2nd round... was really great catch-up with Rukesh... i will try to my best to fork out some time for u guys mann!!!

ok, breakfast time!!

As i read my previous posting, i realised i really long time didn't blog and if i need to put everything here sure i need few days few night, no sleep no eat baru can finish.. but i am not such a patience person so... whatever i can rmb i will put it here...

mmm... yea i found a job in one of my fav company. God answer my prayer in a perfect time! during that period hunting for job, i was so impatience and well... i learnt to trust God's timing. God even give more than i asked as i trust Him completely, He is so thoughtful... He allow something happen in the team and now i can slowly change shift from night, then afternoon and 2 weeks morning shift... at least i can adapt myself well in new job. i nvr bother to ask God to do that for me, but He knows I need that too!! hehe... He cares for me and same He cares for u too!

Today just came back from pekan baru for mission trip, together with Ps.Jimmy, Raymond, Grace, Christ and Jane. This trip was really awesome as before we reach to the churches, God already stir up the atmosphere there and it was easy for us to take over the service but of cuz God is the One who take control!

The first 2 days was in Duri and i can tell u the road condition is terrible. We left Pekan Baru (PB) and almost 3 hours we were bouncing in the Kijang... that was not fun; Ibu, her son and Jane were vomited on the way to Duri. but on the way back to PB, everyone seems better.

Journey from our hotel to another church is something like from kl to ipoh or futher... and 10 adult and 1 kid in a kijang... not easy kay but for God we press on! Despite on the difficultties, we all truely enjoy every moment spend in each children church. Children are very responsive, active and they really welcome our arrival. Some even ask us to come back!! but i really pray that they will maintain this child-like heart towards God as they grow up.

and urmm.. during this trip, i am very blessed to get to know 2 new friends.. Christ and Jane. both of them accepted Christ in a very dramatic way and u will amazed how God worked in their life. as a person like me who grown up in Christian family, we don't go thru persecution of accepting Christ, and many time we take things for granted. for myself, many times i falled.. and God picked me up and still i nvr learnt! i know i not finish yet and i will learn to more like Christ.

for those who reading my blog, i wanna tell u.. if u dunno Jesus, life is more that what your current lifestyle is. and there is no end even when u die. if you dunno Jesus and can u pls tell the answer for the following?

1. what hope means to you? i really interested to know...
2. when u fall right down on ur face, can u still stand up and even stronger than before?
3. if u believe life after death, then where do u think u will b? otherwise, then i wanna tell u life is not end when u shifted under the ground.
4. do u think life is boring?
5. do u know what love is all about? beside just having sex with different ppl and flirt around. thinking u r so powerful and so popular... at the end, do u feel loved?
6. can u think of anyone who really cares for u and how u repay them (if u can think of any)?

if u think i am asking some out of date questions, i just wanna tell ya hope, love, life is what a human being need even until today and tomorrow. pls dun b so naive and ignorance. just like food, we need it during Adam and Eve time, and so does today to every human being. you know what i am saying?

anyway, let those who has ear hear it... =)

well... i not feeling well... that's all for today!

*pic will upload soon!

God bless me 1 more figure to my age!! not getting older but wiser... hehe.. as i some of my previous post, i noticed i wasn't happy for last year... may be too many things happend and things went out of my hand.

This year, I know things will turn from bad to something good, right Jesus? And this year onwards, God will bless my church 70 people every year, right Jesus? And this year, with leading of new pastor, Rev.Jimmy, we are going to move nearer to our destination and breakthru in every area. We are going to have revival and something is going to happen in a way that we never had before... and let's wait and see....